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Tuesday, June 18th, 2002

Subject:odd
Time:12:19 am.

22

I act like I'm 22.
This test was brought to you by Laura - Sponsored by Kylie.



And I have been mistaken for that exact age more than once...favourite pickup line used on me exactly three times:
"So you're what...a junior at UGA? What's your major?" Once by a frat boy (bleh), once by a bum, once by some other guy. He wasn't particularly memorable....Sorry kid.
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Subject:*taps foot*
Time:12:12 am.
Everyone figured out my new journal? All four of you!? Come on people, I want to make the transition faster!!!!! Just look under "your friends" and you'll see a new one, and it is obviously me. Meow. Insomnia is a good movie.
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Sunday, June 16th, 2002

Subject:You should know
Time:2:00 am.
I have a new home on LJ thanks to Carley! She just emailed me a passcode out of the blue and I thank her graciously.

I have everyone's names in my friends list, so just check your "friend of" list to find my new name. of course I cannot disclose it here, it would defeat the purpose. You'll know me when you see me, as it is blatantly obvious since I always have a camera attached to my hip.

All I can say now is that Wingedfool is over and dead. She has been reincarnated to her adult journal, harhar.
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Saturday, June 15th, 2002

Subject:Takin a plunge
Time:9:42 am.
Well, I have decided that it is time to stop being a pussy and get this tattoo that I have been scared of getting. I'll have to do it soon though, my passport came in a week early! Yee-uh!
I have a design, but I don't know if I want it so big. It would fit perfectly across the small of my back, the wings spreading to either hip (it isn't a faerie, I couldn't find one I would want on me forever). But I know where I want to go. I went with Charley to Time Bomb to get his filled in and I liked the guy who did it. He was super sterile and nice and knew exactly what he was doing. So that eased some of my fears. Charley said he would come with me to return the favor. Since JOHN decided not to be home....:)

I had a dream in which I got my ears pierced. It was weird. I did it myself in the store, then the lady came behind me and poked the earrings in. *shrug* That will probably happen before I leave too. Only the earrings in teh dream were these huge ugly purple horse heads. Ick.

Yesterday was like Christmas when I got home. I worked a double straight through without a break, then went to see Brannon who apparently lost track of his days! He was like "You mean it's Friday!?" Heheh silly boy. Anyway, the christmas part. I got home tofind 3 packages on my stack of packing boxes. On was the passport, my picture is dumb. The second was the awesome japanese floral dress that I HAD to have. When I get my hips back down to what they used to be, it will fit better. But teh Betsey Johnson wine velvet one? OHMYGOD. I almost slept in it. It is wonderful! Squeee!

Any body want to rescue a sweet black cat named Whitey who is about to have adorable kittens?? Jake is moving and can't take her with him and I fear for Whitey's life if she stays with Brannon and Josh. You know I would take her but I don't think a preggers cat would fly well.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, June 13th, 2002

Subject:To my sister
Time:3:46 pm.
Hello you miserable lying little shit! I'm not as dumb as you wish I were. You actually think I didn't know you were reading my journal? I don't read yours, and that is easily proved by checking the history! Now, explain to me this: If you were looking at a "friends" journal like you just said, then why isn't it in the history?? Couldn't find it anywhere and this baby should list it! You are afraid of getting caught, that is why. It is way too conincidental that they had the exact same colour and layout as I do. In fact, it took some odd combinations of preferences to get it like that. So you are a liar just like mom and dad and everyone else says. No one likes a liar. Especially a selfish theiving one like you. yeah, I know you go into my room every time I leave the house. Why else would you ask me what time I go to work like you actually care?? I'm sick of being manipulated and used by you. You are my LITTLE sister. And I hope you are thoroughly ashamed of yourself and how you are. I have never met anyone so concieted and stuck as far up their own ass as you are. You aren't perfect and you aren't good at as manythings as you wish. Like being nice! You really suck at that. A lot. You are only nice when something is in it for you. I hope you know that your voice is loud enough to be heard through my wall, so at night or whenever, I hear most of your idiotic conversations without trying. And I do not appreciate how you depict our parents. You are the most shameful liar. You act like they beat the shit out of us after drinking 2 bottles of Vodka or something. Have you told Dan how much of everything you say isn't true? My favourite out-of-the-ass comment of all was this one "I was such an analytical little kid! When they told me to go think about what I did, I would go to my room and sit there and really go over it..." Bullshit. You would cop an attitude go upstairs and play with stuff and sing. All you did was sing, you never even tried to think about it. I feel sorry for Dan being lied to by some fake attitudal little wench. So you really really need to change who you are. No wonder your other friends don't like you. It's all about you and what you want and your stupid little standards. You can't be related to me. You make me look like I have respect for everything, hell you make me look like the good kid. Mom doesn't know what to do with you. If you were my kid, I'd yell at you all the time too because you deserve it. I would probably have to go to jail for beating the shit out of you, but you are lucky enough to have parents who don't do that. Some of my friends aren't so lucky, Jessica. You honestly don't know how good you have it. And if the way you treat mom and dad (like absolute SHIT if you have to have it spelled out for you)is any indication of the person you are going to be, then consider yourself forgotten.

By the way, I really need a passcode for a new journal if anyone has ANY. You can see I have a bit of a need for it...
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, June 12th, 2002

Subject:Scoooweepiedoo!
Time:9:07 pm.
Mood:ready to move.
-J- You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you, but this sometimes can lead to taking advantage of others whom you are not fully interested in. You are free in your statement of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining and dining to know that you're being appreciated

Well, parts are true. I adore brains and wining and dining and cuddling and lovoing, but the multiple partners thing hasn't happened yet...that I know of! Har.....wait..ew. What do they mean by "can lead to taking advantage of others whom you are not fully interested in"? I guess I haven't gotten that far in my prophecy...

And as for this MESS that has erupted among friends: I WILL REMAIN NEUTRAL, BUT COMFORTING. JUST CALL ME SWITZWERWAND!
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Tuesday, June 11th, 2002

Subject:"Life should be more like fairytales"
Time:12:45 am.
*sometime last week* Ravotti helped me pack some. Our brother and sister are getting sweet on each other I think. Aww.
*over the weekend* Brannon and I fought, made up, went to Jim's welcome home party. Lillians birthday dinner. Fun at times.

I can't believe how fast time is passing. I'm talking like I already have my plane ticket. We won't have that for a while. My room is overrun with boxes and bubble wrap and packing and clothes and picture frames and tacks. Can't step on those...

Brannon and I are overrun with guilt. We each think that we took the other one for granted too much and all of a sudden find this new appreciation for each other. We are so used to being in this for the long haul, and being serious about this whole forever thing, that we didn't stop and think about what we would do if something as big as a whole other fucking country got in the way. We know in the back of our heads what could very very possibly happen. And we keep fighting it, as unhealthy as it is. We honestly don't know what we are going to do. I can't loose the best friend I have ever had, the greatest lover in the world, and the man I wanted to marry all at once. It is sad to hear of people losing those people little by little, butall at once? And at will? I keep telling myself I can stop it, but then I would be fucking crazy for not going... But we keep saying we need this. And we do...but..what is "this"? This is mysterious. And This is getting in the way of excitement for me. And maybe we do need a break. We'll find each other again. I know we aren't done. So instead of depressing ourselves further we are enjoying our last few weeks together full of surprise visits at work, sexual interludes by the dozen, dinners and friends... And do you believe he is throwing around the idea of going into the airforce???? Took me totally by surprise. He doesn't like the length of the contract, but I don't think it woud be a bad decision at all. I don't want to force him to go into something he is only doing because I'm gone for a while. I think it could be really good, because it helps get so many people on their feet and out of ruts and really makes you look and see what you do and don't want to be as a person. I have never stuck up for the military publicly before, but I just want everyone to know that I am supportive of whatever he decides. I'm proud of you. I just hope it works.

On a happier note, I won the bid on ebay for this beautiful japanese pring dress. Closed out at $44. Just a dollar below my max.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, June 6th, 2002

Subject:soo sore
Time:10:41 am.
Well yesterday wasn't as boring as I had intended it to be. My plans for hiking with branon were soiled by the rediculous amounts of rain that descended upon the earth the night before (consequently making me drive 20 mph home in flooded streets).
Talked to Lins who was equally bored. Watched TV for longass time and put brannon through abit of torture with some stupid movie called "Wild Things". He had the plot guessed within the first 10 minutes.
Went to planet smoothie then to his house so he could "change". Haw. Stayed there for a while then Parker called and a bunch of us went to Lills apt complex to swim. I haven't been swimming in a year or more. Intevesting.
Lills I hope you feel better. She was feeling a bit sick. The only reason she got into the pool is because Brannon said she would get in, but it was up to her whether it was in her pj's or a swimsuit.

Anyway, more updates on my euro-stint. Got my passport application in on Tuesday. Didn't realize how long it would be (2 months) before I would get it. So we opted for the quicker 3 week deal which gives me time to pack my stuff (I mean my room. Jessi is planning on taking over my room and if that is going to happen, I want my personal stuff boxed up and in the attic), have my garden party (if it stops raining), and have some good hang time with people. Oh and to make some money for my atm runs over there. I still haven't worked out how I'm going to do the money thing. Mom says that most atm's are worldwide access so I should be okay.

I won a bid on ebay! It is an awesome Betsey Johnson burgundy/wine velvet dress! Babydoll style Lins!!!! Yee-uh! Long sleeved, but that is ideal since I'll be over there in the colder months too. I'm getting the bidding bug. My mom and sister are bonafide addicts! And they have sucked me into it too! My sister got my graduation gift on it---a buddy christ! Ravotti has one on his dashboard, so we will have matching Silent Bob and Jay buddy christs! Har!
*scampers off to find more useless shit on ebay*
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Monday, June 3rd, 2002

Subject:Just forgive me for everything.
Time:1:11 am.
I feel like it's all my fault.
I feel stupid because I thought it could just work out like a fairytale.
I feel blind for not seeing it coming.
I feel guilty because I could probably have changed it a while back.
I feel guilty because I'm selfish.
I feel like I didn't do enough for you. In fact, I know I didn't.
I feel like I'm running out of thecountry just to get away from this situation.
I know this will be good for us.
I also know we aren't done. We might be for a while, but I don't think we are done forever.
I really do love you. It hurts.
The scariest thing is that what if they are right about me???? Then I could never forgive myself.
No one will ever compare to you. Ever.
No hard feelings.
No regrets either.
At least we can go have dinner and hike?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 29th, 2002

Subject:Things work out either way folks!
Time:8:42 pm.
Mood: excited.
http://www.angelfire.com/ego/extraspace/images/miscellaneous/masturbatekittens.jpg This is terribly funny!

Graduating is the best thing that has happened. I think my parents are finally seeing how much I want to get out on my own. The first cool thing: I am moving in with my brother. Free rent! All I have to do is help keep the house up. No freaking curfew! and the other cool thing:
I may need German lessons! We got an email from my cousins in Germany (John is in the army) who just had a baby girl a few months ago. They really need an au pair badly, and thought it would be cool if I came to live with them for a little while while they go on trips around Europe. I would be watching the baby a lot with a small stipend per week and they said they would try to find German classes and art classes! Wo0t! My parents really want me to go, and I do too. It would only be for the summer I think. The idea is still an inkling, but my parents are talking like it is going to happen. Either way I'm getting out of the house!!!
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Monday, May 27th, 2002

Subject:Girl MIA suddenly wakes up!
Time:9:49 am.
Mood: relieved.
Wow. I haven't updated in ages. Mostly due to lack of time, due to plays and graduating. And let me tell you. The graduating thing was getting scary because my Alg 3 wasn't looking good. I can't even begin to tell you how close I was to failing. But luckily my grade was 2 points higher than what I thought it was and I passed the exam. So my funny little butt was walking Friday night!

After all the pictures and hugging and stuff were over with me and BRannon went to meet my family at China Star Buffet (mmmm). Then I went to Kelli's and we ate and Liz and I gushed like little girls about Radiohead and Bjork. I didn't realize howmuch we had in common. It's a shame we never really got to know each other. But alas everything looks better in retrospect. Gary decided that we needed to learn some Nsync dances andthat was hilarious. The look on Nicks face was priceless. I can't decide if it was pure fright or pure disgust, but whatever it was it was pure! We went to sleep around 3 in the morning. I had to get up early and go home. I had family in town from Texas. Pulled into the driveway and stepped out of my car only to step right back in (not even go inot the house) when mom came out and said theywere going to my brothers. So we hung out there. Then I went to work for half a shift for Robin.

Yesterday I worked. On my break Brannon and I went to get another shirt for my new Texas Death Machine transfer (maybe I wont mess this one up) and went to Borders to use my gift card. Got Run Lola Run sndtrk. Hell yeah. Went back to work.
That brings us to the present.

Heather and I went to have a girly day Thursday since we had no exams. I actually got my hair cut a bit shorter, got a pedicure, manicure and my eyebrows waxed. I don't like this nail thing. They are too long. Basically I paid to be a helpless female. I can't open my own canned drinks and I can't type to save my life. Now I love her dearly, but her head. Geez. Now I can understand the strong independent woman thing after what she went through with guys, but her problem is that she doesn't see how rude and insensitive she is being while being a strong independent woman. I can't tell you how many times she has pissed me off or hurt my feelings just by talking without thinking and not caring. I don't say anything of course because you can't argue with her. But she really really should have tried to talk me out of these stupid nails!!!
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Friday, May 17th, 2002

Subject:And we pulled it off! The play, not our shirts...pervert...
Time:10:38 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
I was deathly afraid this play would crash and burn. But alas it went rather well. Lots of covering and improv but at least it went unnoticed for the most part. It was fun for a change. I haven't been having a lot of fun with this one for some reason.

The other part of the day didn't go quite as smoothly. Algebra 3 is lost to me. I might as well resign myself to a certificate of attendance and summer school. The woman decided that she would start our trig unit the day before she leaves. So Yesterday and today we were without her, and she didn't explain how to graph a bunch of things and what did we do today??? TOOK A QUIZ. On stuff she never taught us. How fair is that? I WOULD RATHER BE ROLLED AROUND IN SOME NAPALM THAT GO THROUGH THAT PERIOD AGAIN!!!!

Ugh. Waaa. There.

Brannon didn't show up at the play. I don't rememebr which night he said he'd come. But Arrie came! And I saw Ashley for the first time in a while. Her hair looks really good. She did something I thought about. Only hers is red with highlights and mine will be black with fire red highlights. And shorter. Chinlength I'm thinking. Aye yesh, I depart now.
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Wednesday, May 15th, 2002

Subject:*banging head*
Time:9:15 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Why Why WHY!!!!!!!! This play sucks ass. Lots of big hairy ones. *cries*

Anyone know how to erase comment entries? I couldn't figure it out. Call me stupid, i do.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:In which Jenn likes Arries new icon! *wink*
Time:12:46 pm.
Mood: silly.
Wow, Earnest draws closer and I get more and more worried. Will this play ever come together?????????????????????????

Homemade cookies are great.

Wonder how Lins mouth is doin?

Brannon hada wonderful day before birthday, birthday and day after birthday.

I forgot to get dressed today. Well, it was a combination of forgetting and just not wanting to put out any more effort than I had to. I'm in my bright green cat capri pj pants and my "Don't Mess With Texas Death Machine tank top (which went through hell in the washing machine but I wear it with pride) and a white oxford shirt just to adhere to the dress code. Top it off with flip flops and you have the slacker of the week award goin to moi.
Comfort is number one these last two weeks of school. This whole layering weirdness doesn't fly to well with this little freak in the summer time.

I want to go to a beach. Soon. BEACH TRIIIIIIIIP!
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Sunday, May 12th, 2002

Subject:Round one is over, on to Earnest!
Time:9:41 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Okay Saira, this is getting old. Truce is called. There is only so long I can stay upset. So lets forget this retarded shit ever happened, alright? Consider it erased?? I'd just like to be honest friends! Gah!

Today was our last run of Cheaper by the Dozen. All the shows went very well except for Saturday matinee, but even that wasn't bad. Just low energy. I broke a picture onstage! It was because the damn desk was freaking wobbly as all get out, and the picture just took a death leap to the floor. So I did the whole "Oh mommy! I'm shocked!" thing and picked it up, then did a double look around and quickly pulled a rug and slapped it over the broken glass. The audience loved it! Phew! Jesus in a sidecar, I'm clumsy.

Our cast party just ended. We held it here at my house and let the little kids get into the hottub. That was a hoot! Then Sarah and Laura brought out their violins and played for us. Some left and the rest of us watched the video of the play and commented and made fun and had a blast. So now we get to suffer through the last week of Earnest. *gulp* We are far from ready.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:Err whatta night
Time:12:33 am.
Tonigts play went the best so far. Better than earlier today. Brannon didn't show up and I got worried. Turns out he wentto the wrong place! He thought that Earnest was this weekend. We hung out afterwards though. Lins came with me and seemed to enjoy the play. Jenni and Arrie showed up! I was excited to see them. It feels good when you have people come to support you. Kind of like you're not just some stupid particle floating around.

Projection- in psychoanalytic theory, this is the defense mechanisms people use to dump their undesireable personal attributes onto others in order to look better. I love psychology. I wish that class was a year round course.

It was good seeing Lins again. We talked and talked and I feel better about so much. There are just so many things going on and going through my head and it felt good just to relate, you know?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, May 11th, 2002

Time:5:08 pm.
Saira: A note: That last entry starts off pissed and heated, but don't get mad at first just watch it melt. the second one is more rational and understanding. The third one is more final and the adult rationale. Just so you woulnd't carry the angry tone through out the whole thing.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:To Saira
Time:4:49 pm.
Mood:undetermined.
Since you don't like the "childish" replies you'll just have to read an entry. I do not call because I have no time. I getonline for the twenty minutes I can spare. The bottom line is that there is a fine line between opinions and getting involved in other people's relationships. I didn't appreciate the little bit of backstabbing that went on. Friends don't do that! So stop trying to cover you mistake by calling me childish, because you and everyone else knows that that isn't so. Your closest friends hate your childish babyness, just ask them. It isn't my fault you stick with guys that treat you like shit sweetie. Trust me, I feel for you but that isn't something to compare to adult situations. There is a lot you don't know about me, and that just goes back to the deal with you not really knowing me that well. You are the one that instigated this shit by telling my boyfriend that he should break up with me and that was just plain stupid, because you know he is going to tell me. Everything said about me gets back to me eventually.

You are probably like "why the hell does it bother you?" Well it bothers me because I don't do anything to deserve my friends tearing me up behind my back. I know Heather has done it. I know Lins has done it. But those were minor and I got over them and it doesn't bother me anymore. I know lots of other people but you were the last person on earth I expected to tear me up. And especially when you only have his side. I didn't know anything was wrong. He does this a lot, and it eventually works itself out without anyone else imposing their opinions. So you don't have to worry, because I'm not some big bad monster. I'm his best friend and wouldn't ever hurt him. I know that is why you're getting all defensive, but you can relax. I won't kill him.

So in conclusion, I will now admit the ONE childish thing about this mess on my part. I did keep this going. But that is just me. I do not like leaving things hanging and there is just so much about the situation you do not understand or know about because it is between me and Brannon. And I will appologize for the word association. You aren't ALL of them! I am expecting an apology from you though. I went ahead and swallowed my pride first, so lets BOTH stop this shit and not let this happen again. And feel free to call me as well. I can't very well have/be a friend when the other doesn't seem interested at all...
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, May 9th, 2002

Subject:Okay, LJ is on my ever growing shitlist.
Time:10:46 pm.
Ugh. I have been trying to read stuff for the past twenty minutes. It won't show more than two days of entries, and that is terribly aggravating because there is a matter I want to see that is cleared up. Well, you can't really clear it. I just want to see if the other party has owned up to their mistake and swallowed some pride. It isn't hard, I've done so on several occasions, just have to get over oneself and be an adult.

Our full dress rehearsal was quite successful. But you know what they say, "A bad dress rehearsal always means a good performance." So what about the flip side???? *gulp*

Brannon! I tried calling you a lot. But Jake answered last night and said he'd tell you to call me right back as soon as he got off the phone, but you never did.

Oh shit. I am watching ER and Dr. Green's brain tumor finally got him. *cries* I really liked him. God I'm stupid
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, May 8th, 2002

Subject:*laughs*
Time:10:44 pm.
Get this: Someone calld me childish. ME! Mrs. Worrywort the 18-going-on30 year old. Some people are silly.

Anyway, I have a stupid sunburn. Not as bad as Jenni's I daresay, but painful none the less.

Dress rehearsal for Cheaper went well. I want to kill some people for stepping all over my lines or dropping my cues, but then again I'm always wanting to wring someones neck. This one kid especially. He is such a pain in the ass.

Lins--- Cheaper runs all weekend like so:

Friday--7:30 students are $5 and adults are $10 so bring at least $10-12.
Saturday-- matinee starts at 2 and the evening is same as friday.
Sunday--matinee as well

I don't know much about the earnest show, I'll have to get back to you on that one.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

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